The Krazy Bunch

Till the one day when the lady met this fellow,

And they knew it was much more than a hunch,

That this group would somehow form a family.

That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch.

The Krazy Bunch

Ladies and gentlemen, People of all ages, creed and colour (Koreans probably not as this may offend) may I introduce the people that I live with: The Koreans, The Ko Ko's, The Kooks, The Krazy Bunch or.....The Family:

Grace: Aka: G-Shock, Gracey.

The quieter and deadlier second half of the Wendy Grace duo, For the first week I thought Grace and Wendy were Siamese twins, then I thought they were Korean twins and now I have realsised that they are not twins at all and merely just very good friends. The outfit Grace is sporting in the picture is what I'd describe as her "house clothes," a bit like the clothes equivalent of slippers. Don't get me wrong she pulls out the funk gear for such trips as post office and shops but as soon as she is back through those doors...."House clothes" are back on. A bit of a cutie and the photo does not really do her much justice. Is a bit of a thinker I reckon and definitely speaks better English than she lets on, hence Tom having to explain what "Bullshit" means. Her current fave English word is Con-cen-tra-tion.

Jin: Aka: Jin and Tonic, Ginola and PSG

Well, well, well were do we start with Jin, The man is a wounded soul in my opinion. Let me give you a quick rundown on his life history. When Jin was 18 he joined the Korean army, like all men his age, no surprise there. Once he left the army Jin became a professioanl computer gamer. He was so good infact that he made a fair bunce off it and this allowed him some time in Australia. He is even considered a minor celebrity in Korea!! However this fame and fortune has come at a cost for dear Jin, Jin used to practice for 20 hours a day and during competition he would not sleep for three days!!! He lived this lifestlyle for two whole years. This picture does not allow you to see quite how tired he always looks, howeer Jin is a gentle man, modest and kind. The other day he pointed out a ropey looking blonde girl and said she is "bootiful," to this I responded by pointing out a stunner and he said "maybe she is an angel" ha ha. Well some hours later Jin approached me and said "Tom, Where is my angel?" After being dumped by his Korean girlfriend Jin is currently looking for an angel in his life: All applicants please reply to mailbox 24.

John: Aka: Jeon, JonJon, JJ, Jon Boy, Johnjo et al.

Firstly can I say that I personally chose John's name. His family name (like Briant) is Jeon, so when he introduced himself I thought his name was John. Anywho, one night we are sitting around and Jeon decides to announce that he is thinking of using the name Matthew as his English name, Well a few wines later and I have convinced Jeon otherwise.

John is the father of the house, stern but kind, strict but gentle. John has a penchant for recylcing and has no qualms about ticking you off for not doing so. Is quite comfortable with paying me compliments and I probably have the most in depth conversations with him in the house, well barring Coops and Paul...Well Maybe. John likes nothing more than a smoke and watching films. He also served in the army as a chef and as a result is a dab hand in the kitchen.

Tay: Aka: Playboy, Tayboy, Player, Taymes Bond, Pornstar or just Porn.

The black lexus pulls up, slowly but assuringly Tay pays the driver. His light grey flannel suit crisp and fitted, His briefcase held tightly in his hand, most other men would feel some pang of nerves on the cusp of such an important business deal.

Not Tay, he is as cool as a cucumber...

Meet Tay, the house stud. Tay comes fully fitted with Model good looks, charm and a pair of grey hot pants...a size too small. Despite being a chalmer Tay is a pleasure to live with as he has OCD which means everyday is tidy day for Tay. Tay is so clean he makes bleach look dirty. Tay's speacial skills include martial arts and get this, no word of a lie he can stand up, bend over and kiss his own shins....and yes I have asked and No he cant.

Sue: Aka: Sumo, Suzee, Sexy Suze

If our house was big brother then Sue would be the one that came in last. Sue is a bit older than the rest of us and due to the fact that she looks a bit like a Thai lass Paul has a bit of a house crush on her. Unlike the other two girls in the house I reckon Sue is a bit more worldy then the rest. She has a gay mate which she is very proud of. Tay the player has his eyes on her and I think he is currently wooi-ng her with late night conversations on the balcony.

Wendy: Aka: Wendos, Wendy House, Trendy Wendy.

When it comes to clothes Wendy likes to mix it up a bit and flick the fingers to conformality. Wendy is a little cheeky monkey and is always happy and up for a laugh. She wears these huge glasses that look like windows and she does not even need them they are not perscription, she says she wears then for fashion. She like nothing more than Harry potter films and has cried through at least two films so far. Wendy once casualy asked me what blood group I was and was shocked to discover that I didn't know. She is blood type "A" by the way.

William: Aka: Big Willy, G,G,G Unit, Will I Am or Willo

William comes from a different cut of people to the rest of the Koreans. Will is a bit of a geezer in Korea I reckon and has no doubt worked on a market stall, done a bit of scrumping and probably had his finger in some hush hush pies. By day Will tiles bathrooms and Kitchens, The rest of the time he lives in the greenhouse off the lounge. Will is currently in love with an Itlaian girl, but he does not know her name, his plan: to learn all the words to Joe Cocker's: "You are so beautiful" and serinade her. If you think that is bad his origional plan was to sing a song called "Kiss Me now!!!," I just hope he has never heard "I wanna have sex on the Beach." Will loves women and I think he loves Blonde European women the best and is quite happy to have a 25minute convo about it too.

Lee and Kim: Aka: Dumb N Dumber, Electric Lee, Kamp as Krimbo Kim.

This Korean double act first performed on the stages of our flat on the first day. Paul and I were so bamboozled by the wealth of Koreans that we didn't really know who was who or who went were, Well it turns out they dont live with us despite being there when we wake and when we go to bed. I am not sure what these two are on but if they sold it there would be records broken at the next Olympics no doubt. The two happiest people I have ever met and everything I do is greeted with applauds or amazment. They love nothing more than Soccer, Manchester united and Wayne Rooney. Lee informs me that Jackie Chan is his cousin

Well thats the gang folk, They are a pleasure to live with and the great thing is that they can slag us of to high heaven and we will never know and Visa Versa, so we will never have a fall out and i f we do well I'll just shout a little which seems to scare them.

P.s All of the above IS true.

Mr. Tom, You teach me long time

Well well, after a few days with the Koreans, Three of them approached me today and informed me that they were looking for an English tutor, so seeing as I have a TEFL qualification I am now teaching three Koreans three times a week for 20 hours a month, they are paying me enough to cover two weeks rent each month so it should be a laugh.

So yeah Tommy B is actually using a qualification he has to good use, Below is a pictire of all the house at one of their arranged sweets, crisps and beer parties they put on for us.

A room with a view

A quick blog to let you know how the move in went. Well Cooper got here on Thursday and we had a long day seeing the sights in Sydney and went and saw the Opera house which looks as good as you imagine from a distance but up close is actually a bit scruffy....Is Tom becoming a bit cynical in his old age?

Anyway Friday morning we moved in and it was a bit hectic as everyone else was moving loads of stuff in and making beds.....literally, I dont mean there were people walking around tucking sheets under matresses and folding duvets.

Well Paul and my room is mint and the view from the 33rd floor is stunning. Out flatmates are ALL Korean and they are mental, not what I imagined they all think we are amazing and they are so hyper and funny. Anyway the three of us went out for a night on the tiles and when we got back they all came and sat in our room and drank wine with us, then they cooked us traditional Korean food at 5am and then started taking photos. When we got up this morning they all cheered cos we had hangovers ha ha.

I will post profiles of all of them when I have more time, but one of the guys who comes round is amazing, I like to call him "Electric Lee," Leccy Lee is by far the most happy, bubbly, outgoing, enthusiastic person I have ever met. I was in the loo and heard what sounded like a young Korean male in ectasy and it turns out he had just found out that him, Coops and paul where born in the same year...mad. When I walk into a room where there are four seats available he will offer me his seat. The second thing he said to me was a) " I think your a very handsome man" and then b) " I think your a very sensitive man" ha ha well thanks Lee, maybe these compliments are the real reason I admire him so.


Oh lastly my new address for then next 3/4 months is:

Flat 91 Princeton Apartments,

308 Pitt St, Sydney,

New South Wales,

Sydney 2000,

Australia.

So I expect lots of surprises in the post especially from mother and father. Any of the girls have any used underwear I could sell on e-bay would be greatly appreciated.

Love you all,

Thomas FB x

The above is your boys from left to right: John, Paul, Kim, Lee and Kim and Kim at the front.

The other photo is the boys with Cooper who they all seem to have a bit of a thing for, possibly cos she has "qualities" that many Korean women lack.

Careful what you wish for Thomas

Don: Hey Napoleon, What did you do all last summer?

Napoleon: I told you I spent it with my uncle in Sydney hunting flats.

Don: Did you find any?

Napoleon: Yes, Like 50 of 'em. They kept tryin' to attack my cousins. What the heck would you do in a situation like that?

Don: What kind of gun did you use?

Napoleon: A frickin' 12 gauge. What do you think?

For regular viewers of the "findtom" show you may note that when talking of the type of flat mate I have encountered so far in our flat hunt I said and I quote: " to be sub-standard or occupied by a family of eight Koreans." Huh well "cough, cough" Sorry just choking on my slice of humble pie, Paul and I have now found ourselves a flat for ourselves and Cooper, Pauls friend from England.

Our new housemates are....Seven Koreans ha ha ha and get this the advert included the following: "Nice share flat, $140 p/w, bills included and free rice." So that was the deal breaker.

Its really nice, new, clean and spacious with timber floors and great views of Sydney, It is in the CBD of Sydney on a Pitt St and has a swimming pool, gym, squash court, spa and sauna.

So we move in Friday the 21st which is great as Cooper gets here on the 20th so we are all set.

Tom and Paul spotted a flat, all Paul had to do now was woo the Koreans with his cake

Dreams are like heroes...."Are they Tom, tell me more"

They say that you should never meet your hero, because he or she will never be as good as you imagine, In my case obviously if I did ever meet Ricky Gervais I'm sure we would get on famously and it would probably feel like we had known each other forever ( those would be his words I imagine.) I use this as a metaphor for finding a flat and working in Sydney. My dreams of bowling up and finding a swanky apartment with two experimental Swedish housemates seems a tad off the mark. So far we have either found the places to be sub-standard or occupied by a family of eight Koreans and a semi-mentally challenged women from Wigan. Don't get me wrong for legal reasons I'm sure these kind of people would make excellent roomies.

So basically this is a post to vent my fustration as to be honest I cant really get on with other things whilst I have this to sort out. Even when we do find a place I have the exciting prospect of sifting through job oppotunitties such as calling people to tell them they have a car parking fine (a real job offer in an agency!) Not only am I sure they will be grateful for this infomation but it will make it all that more sweeter that I'm a f@*kin pomme I'm sure.

Lastly I dont want you worrying that this is some subconcious effort of letting you know that I'm not enjoying myself, because I'm actually having a ball and things will be even better once I get this sorted. So from Tom and the Heo-Seok family - Goodnight .

"Once Tom and Paul signed the rental agreement Jimmy printed all his kids a copy"

Sydney, Where work begins

Just thought Id do another little blog where I predict the future and let you know whats coming up. Well as of the 11th of April we are off to Sydney like Dick Whittington did with London to make our millions, meet hospitable women and get jobs. We intend on getting a flat whch should be good and will be nice to have a permenant base for a few months. We are also planning on dressing up as 17 year olds and go to an Arctic Monkeys concert.

Pauls friend Sarah "Coops" Cooper is coming out on the 20th of April so we will have a third member of the band for our tour of Sydney.

In other news Paul and I had a heart to heart and he informed me that he is scared that he is going to join the long list of quote "rock ledgends" that died age 27 ( Hendrix, Joplin, Cobain and Morrison ect) I don't know what he is basing this on other than gut feeling but if it is the case I could be advertising for a new travel buddie. I have this confession and theory on video so if it does happen you will probably see a channel 5 documentry called " the freak that predicted his own death"

Claire turned 21 on April 6th so Happy 21st Birthday Claire Loucritia Emily Briant, My little sis is growing up hay, soon she will be drinking and kissing boys. And yes that is one of her middle names.....Claire the fact that I have made it public on the net can be my little present, and before she tries ot get level my middle name is Boris and Francis.

Booze fairy strikes again!

As I have a habit of doing sometimes I get drunk and so much so that I become vunerable to attack from what I like to descibe as the "booze fairies" these little tinkers do their best work when young boys like me are tipsy and make you lose stuff or kiss girls with stubble. Well they made me lose my mobile phone after just 5 weeks of being here. Anywho the news is I have invested in a new phone and therefore have a new Aussie number, It is:

0434928096
or
+61434928096
(if you want to text me from the U.K)

Debbos and leesha

Paul and I met two Australian girls In thailand which I think thought that Paul and I were the strangest Englishmen they had ever met, so much so infact that they said that we should meet up if we were ever in their neck of the woods. Well we did and we did. They live in the out skirts of Melbourne in a place called Heathville and its very ummm "rural". We went and vistited and had a boozy doo, much laughs and some good grub and then came back.

Over the Keith moon

As promised and desired I went to visit one of if not my dads best friends Keith who moved to Australia some 20 years ago. Now any human being that shares any interests with my father for me has to be worth visiting. I just hoped he would be wearing more clothes than my dad usually does, thankfully there were no speedos in sight but we did share a glass or seven of wine in name of Dave. Keith lives in a place called the Dandenongs which are kind of the Hollywood hills of Melbourne. Its all very quaint and rural and Keith lives in a lovely cottage over looking the Hills. It was a nice retreat and gave Paul the oppotunity to have some much needed 'Jeb-time."

Keith lives with his Wife and child Alexander, two cats and a dog called Sally. Having not seen Keith for over 15 years it was a bit of a shock as I imagine it was for him; the last time he saw me I was just a little ginger, spotty white dweeb who mumbled his words and he was probably shocked that I have not changed one little bit. I guess that unlike my father other people stop doing things like asking waitresses if they can suck their finger after a certain age ( Dad your finest moment) and I thought this was the case with Keith until whilst watching the gymnastics Keith said, and I quote

"She needs a finger up her bum" ha ha Dad would be proud.

Boxercise!

Right a quick update on stuff I previously mentioned that I was gonna do, First of all Boxing, we went and watched some Commentwealth Boxing at the Melbourne Expo centre. It was a good crack and some Aussies won and a few English lads so all in all it was all good. We also watched a Botswanian guy called Luza whos name as it turns out was rather fitting. Anyway that very weekend we went out for a few beers and bumped into Luza's teammates in a bar and we thought it would be rather humerous if we would spa with them a bit in the bar, as it turn out they thought was a brilliant idea and I also think one of them was just happy to be stood near possibly the whitest man he has ever seen.

Gone Walkabout - Part 2: Wilsons Prom

Short and sweet this one with a few photos, Three days at the stunning Wilsons prom which has a bit of everything; sea, sand, lakes, woodlands, wildlife and the rest. Saw all of Australias finest, Kookaburras, Kangas, Wombats, Walabees, Vest clad drunk men and some fluff ha ha.