So Im back where it all started

Skint, Slightly Tanned and very very tired I arrived back in Melbourne, The final destination in my 11 months and 10 days in Australia. So with my return to England imminent I ask the following question:

Who the effing jeffing hell on earth is Donny Tourette? and Why oh Why people have I not heard of hime before, A middle class twat who thinks he is Sid Vicious, Im sure I am meant to have read about him the Sun website by now (www.thesun.co.uk for all those interested) in the Bizzare section.

But seriously after flying from Alice Springs to Darwin and then hanging around own my own in an airport for 10 yes 10 hours I flew to Mekbourne for a fews in the sun (surprising) and tommorrow I fly home, to be honest I have lost all will to continue writing this as god willing Ill be home Sunday and can tell you all about it face to face -

So Yeah thats its, Its been wicked, Cheers Paul, Cheers John Howard, Cheers Kim, Cheers Supermarkets for not selling booze, Cheers Ponting for being so good at Cricket. Heres to my Return, Heres to good food, Good telly , Great beer, Greater Football and great company.

In a bit

Tom

ALICE SPRINGS - Who the F@#k is Alcie

Well like most plans I ever have in life they dont tend to work out, however my fate is usualy even more evil. My plans usualy go smooth, smooth, smooth, oooooh this is going well nearly there all your plans are coming to come together........oh no last minute.com everythings goes Jordan's tits up. Paul and I did have the following plan: To come to Cairns and hire a car, then we would pcik up one of our East coast buddie ( Not Dre or Snoop or that gangster sh*t) Carla and the then the three of us would drive to Darwin. So being the organised individual that you all know me to be (cough) I booked a flight from Darwin to Melbourne in advance. Exceelent this is the smooth smooth part of my plans.

So we bowl up into Cairns and book ourselves into a surprisngly nice hostel room with only four beds and our own kitchinette/longe (what is a kitchinette?) and toilet/shower. So next day we make the initial steps towards hiring our own car for 4 - 6 days to Darwin. Now I dont know if you have ever had someone in a postion of service laugh in your face but I can tell you that after the 6th or 7th time its an effort not to jump over the counter and stuff the glass replica of a VW CamperVan down her smug little neck.

Any who needless to say that due a various number of reason why they wouldnt allow us including the price/distance/time restriction/age/gender/skin colour/being ginger/English and my fave: one guy told me the roads where shut for the one week of the year that we wanted to go...How unlucky!!!

So I had a cash flow that was getting less and less by the second and had no way of getting to Darwin. So after much deliberation and some Tom time and Jeb time we agreed on getting a tour to Alice Springs and then I would fly up to Darwin and Paul could go do the whole Uluru thing.

So on Saturday Paul, Carla and I are off on the Desert Adventurer Bus tour Whooooopppeee!! To say I am now a poor poor man is an understatement. Infact Im surprised I can even afford to be sat here typing, Its $1 for 2 hours so its alright.

Thats it, I doubt Ill be online for quite some time as our accomodation on this tour inculde a cattle/sheep farm.


Oh lastly tommorow we are hiring a car for the day ( they will let us do that) and going north to the daintree/mosmans gorge and Cape Tribulation