So Im back where it all started

Skint, Slightly Tanned and very very tired I arrived back in Melbourne, The final destination in my 11 months and 10 days in Australia. So with my return to England imminent I ask the following question:

Who the effing jeffing hell on earth is Donny Tourette? and Why oh Why people have I not heard of hime before, A middle class twat who thinks he is Sid Vicious, Im sure I am meant to have read about him the Sun website by now (www.thesun.co.uk for all those interested) in the Bizzare section.

But seriously after flying from Alice Springs to Darwin and then hanging around own my own in an airport for 10 yes 10 hours I flew to Mekbourne for a fews in the sun (surprising) and tommorrow I fly home, to be honest I have lost all will to continue writing this as god willing Ill be home Sunday and can tell you all about it face to face -

So Yeah thats its, Its been wicked, Cheers Paul, Cheers John Howard, Cheers Kim, Cheers Supermarkets for not selling booze, Cheers Ponting for being so good at Cricket. Heres to my Return, Heres to good food, Good telly , Great beer, Greater Football and great company.

In a bit

Tom

ALICE SPRINGS - Who the F@#k is Alcie

Well like most plans I ever have in life they dont tend to work out, however my fate is usualy even more evil. My plans usualy go smooth, smooth, smooth, oooooh this is going well nearly there all your plans are coming to come together........oh no last minute.com everythings goes Jordan's tits up. Paul and I did have the following plan: To come to Cairns and hire a car, then we would pcik up one of our East coast buddie ( Not Dre or Snoop or that gangster sh*t) Carla and the then the three of us would drive to Darwin. So being the organised individual that you all know me to be (cough) I booked a flight from Darwin to Melbourne in advance. Exceelent this is the smooth smooth part of my plans.

So we bowl up into Cairns and book ourselves into a surprisngly nice hostel room with only four beds and our own kitchinette/longe (what is a kitchinette?) and toilet/shower. So next day we make the initial steps towards hiring our own car for 4 - 6 days to Darwin. Now I dont know if you have ever had someone in a postion of service laugh in your face but I can tell you that after the 6th or 7th time its an effort not to jump over the counter and stuff the glass replica of a VW CamperVan down her smug little neck.

Any who needless to say that due a various number of reason why they wouldnt allow us including the price/distance/time restriction/age/gender/skin colour/being ginger/English and my fave: one guy told me the roads where shut for the one week of the year that we wanted to go...How unlucky!!!

So I had a cash flow that was getting less and less by the second and had no way of getting to Darwin. So after much deliberation and some Tom time and Jeb time we agreed on getting a tour to Alice Springs and then I would fly up to Darwin and Paul could go do the whole Uluru thing.

So on Saturday Paul, Carla and I are off on the Desert Adventurer Bus tour Whooooopppeee!! To say I am now a poor poor man is an understatement. Infact Im surprised I can even afford to be sat here typing, Its $1 for 2 hours so its alright.

Thats it, I doubt Ill be online for quite some time as our accomodation on this tour inculde a cattle/sheep farm.


Oh lastly tommorow we are hiring a car for the day ( they will let us do that) and going north to the daintree/mosmans gorge and Cape Tribulation

End of line

Right well once again here is brief round up of the previous few days.

WhitSundays: We boarded the boat Anaconda III and we shared this space with 30 others plus crew. We shared our already cramp room with these two Swiss guys who looked like Romeo Cleaners off Euro trash. The first night they got naked in the room and were punching each other and then taking photos of each other. Despite that we had a great few days and met loads of really nice people on there. There weather was immense and got better and better each day. The great barrier reef is incredible and we were so lucky to be out at sea 18 miles from the nearest land. Crystal clear still water and the most stunning fish and coral I have ever seen - it was really worth the cost.

On the Friday when we returned we had a boat party and all went out in Airle Beach and got rather drunk. Great night, also reunited with Aine, Carla and H.

Cairns: Saturday came and with it the inevitable hang over of the previous night. We travelled for 11hours on a coach to Cairns with a driver that had a likng for talking and showing films suitable for the under 5 range. I cant say I have ever liked Babe or The Flinstones.

Right well in Cairns at the moment and we are going to go up to Cape Tribulation and Daintree tommorow. On Wednesday we are meeting up with Carla and going to hire a car for about a week to drive to Darwin on an all Aussie road trip.

Then on the 8th I fly into Melbourne from Darwin and will have two days in Mellers with Kimbo and probably sort out some stuff before coming home. Hopefully will get to see a few of the faces that I first saw when I arrived in Aus and a few of the cafes, sites and activities* I experienced in Mellers.

* Ill explain.

See you all soon - Thomas

Still on the Road

O.k when I last posted we were in Noosa I think and It was there that I booked my flight home and our Whitsundays Tour.

Well we are in Airlie Beach now and here is a round up of what we have done between there and here.

Rainbow Beach: Really pleasent little beach town, Paul and I had to get different bus's here because we didnt book them together. Chilled out on the beach for a few days and went on some walks. Met up with Scottish Stu and James and also met some lads who went to Leeds Met.

Bundaberg: Good God - Right we went there knowing that it was a hole and we were not proved wrong. The reason we went was to see the Loggerhead Turtles giving birth on the beaches. We went and it was excellent. One of the few places in the world you can see this. We saw two mother loggerheads burying their eggs on the shore and one of which layed her eggs to close to the water so we we helped relocate the eggs. It was great and met some cool people on the trip too. Bundaberg is a dive, Its full of chavs who want to earn minimage wage on their holiday by picking 4,000 plums a day. Met some reall plonkers at this hostel and was a pleasure to leave.

1770 and Agnes Water: Next up was this tiny little beach village with only 600 inhabitants. It was here we met Carla, Irish and Heather aka H, Heavy, Animal and others. She is a living legend and with time will have her own blog entry with photos. Had a good time there chilling out and much laughs were had. We are hopefully meetign up with a few of the 1770 crew in Cairns or Airlie.

Rockhampton: Is truly in the same league as Bundaberg for being inbread; think there is a population of 40,000 and only three different surnames in the yellow pages....go figure??
It is the beef capital of Australia though. We got there late on Thursday night as we were meeting Stephen King formerly of Tring on the Friday morning. Checked in at midnight and found the two scariest guys in our room. There bottom lips were like bannanas and they looked like they had been in the sun far too much. So it was that I went to sleep clutching my wallet/passport and phone in one hand used the other hand as a sort of security guard for my underwear.

Yeppoon or wherever it is that Steve lives: Friday morn wake surprised to be still alive and met up with Steve, Daniel, Alex and Julliette who are all doing research in marine Biology. Had a couple of days there with the lads and it was quality catching up with the boys, Just lads chat and that. Bloke stuff you know. Will post more photos when in cairns but unfortunatly nowher in Airlie beach allows you to use usb cables.

Airlie Beach: The site uponm which Claire and I got more smashed that i have ever done in my life, Claire will promise to try and do the same with Paul. We arrived here today at 6:30am and booked in and slept till about 1pm. Off on a 3day/3 night whitsundays tour tommoz. All food and Drink Inc. so will be rinsing that. Then when we return to Airlie it is Australia day so prob have a drink or two and shout stuff about how good England is...Loudly.

Right laters Peacekeepers - Will update soon

Coming up; Cairns, Cape Trib and then a 5day road trip to Darwin.

Tommo

Home Coming Queen

O.k this blog is to inform those who read this of my return to England. Now the dates have varied over the last few weeks as each time I went to book my fligh the availability would change. I was going to be coming back on Valantines day and had written a re wonderful blog about how I would meet my future wife on the plane. However that has gone to plot and I had to get an earlier flight: So I return to Heathrow at 8:40am on Sunday the 11th 0f Feb.


Willendeavour to see/speak to as many of you as I can over the following week. I have the same number as before I went but I should imagine a few of you will have changed numbers so I will need to get those at some point.

See you all soon - Tom

P.S Rather worringly it has been rumoured from the Briant camp that Mark (Yes my little pint sized 17 year old brother) will be driving to come pick me up on that morning.

On the road again

O.k Short and sweet like a midget model. Paul and I are back on the road and due to the ungodly price of internet these days I'll keep it relatively short. S

Booked our Greyhound bus ticket and left for our first destination. For me expect increased levels of sunshine, alcohol and time spent with Paul Hoskin - All of which are government warnings I believe ha ha The following is the name of each place we have been to and a brief summary of events.

Byron Bay - Turned up late in the day, could find no accommodation....anywhere. After about 3 hours of strolling around like Mary and Jesus we had to settle with staying in a pub back room in a double bed. No donkeys thank god - but not the great start we had planned. Due to the fact we had got lucky and that we could not find any accomo for the next day we decided to move on.

Nimbin - Mmmmm for those of you that know Nimbin will know all that is needed to know. Lets just say we chilled out, Listened to some Janice Joplin and stuck it to the man. Met some Irish girls and went back to Byron with them the following day. Had all booked on a bus north and it arrived..........4 hours late. They went to Brisbane, Paul and I went to Surfers Paradise.

Surfers Paradise - Spent 5 nights here which took its toll on me - its the Australian Blackpool - As many Social annoyances and not quite as good a weather. Few nights out and met shared our dorm with some nice people. Highlight was Paul and I's first ever surf lesson. Which as it turned out we blagged for free due to an admin error. Met a legend of a Scottish man called Stu who we are meeting up again with in Rainbow Beach.

Noosa - Currently in Noosa and it is really quite nice, Think beach and surf meets affluent Australia. been around National Parkkkkk and have been to Nudist beach with creepy old men parading their various sized members. Paul and I were officially nude for a brief period of time so we can say we did it properly. Again got some cool room mates. We are leaving tomorrow.

Coming up Rainbow Beach, Bundaberg, The town of 1770 and Rockhampton/Emu Park/Steph King's Place.

Have nearly actually booked my flight home - More on that at a later point when its all confirmed.

Happy Tom's Birthday New Year

As Paul so poetically put it, but once a year on the the 31st of December, Like "Chrismica" (The joining of Christmas and Honica) comes Happy Tom's Birthday New Year. This years celebrations have been and gone to much accolade.

Above Myself, Ryn and Paul.






And despite drinking my body weight in spirits and consuming cocktails with names unknown to myself previous to this occasion the night past relatively error free baring a small incident involving me, a chair on wheels, a hill and a wheelie bin but that my friends is a whole other story.

I have to say the efforts made by Ryn, Stu and
Bec for the party are commendable and if it wasn't for their efforts the party would of just been us sat about drinking vodka lemonade. The
converted basement looked like a bar even more so with Stu actually building one. Stu was on cocktail duties all night and although not quite Tom Cruise ( that's a good thing in my books) he was excellent.

Above: Stu and Bec at the bar

A little speach was had thanking everyone for coming, wishing a happy new year, happy tom's birthday and a thank you to the housmates and the past three or so months. Then midnight struck and Paul and I did the Auld Lang Syne - On our own much to every one elses bemusement and then the real drinking started. Very good night, few casualties along the way. Happy New Year jeden personen.

Just a little foot note, it actaully got a lot busier than the photos show ( honest,) However I kind of lost control the ability to operate a camera by that time.

Despite a tightly fought competition Booze won in the end

Ryn knew she wanted alchohol but just coudn't find the words - Rare!

Bar none; the best bar in Dutton Park

Despite the company Tom's only thoughts were "Chicken Nuggetts or Chips??"
Courtney, Thomas and Bec

"This week on The Generation game all the way from Bramley, Yorkshire are the Petersons, Rodney likes fishing, John Grisham novels and model trains while Anne-Marie likes nothing more than Home cooking, Gardening and Orienteering."

Review of the year

Well well, Its the 31 of December 2006 and this day represents quite a bit of the last 10 or so months. I am sat in the Basement of our house in Brisbane. Today is our last weekend here in Brisbane as we leave for pastures new as of Wednesday next week.

As I sit here a Korean girl wonders up and down the path outside, A Hispanic looking lad loiters by the front gate, Why well cos they are advertising for new housmates. The question is will these alien nationed people pass Stu's strict strict acceptance policy - Basically after each viewing, the house gather and those of us that are staying on say what their first impressions of these potential housemates are. The Korean Girl and the man have left to which Stu's response is I don't want no Columbian drug warlord living here - In all honesty it is a surprise that they ever let Paul and I live here ( especially after Paul used the loo during the viewing ha ha House joke like do you know what I mean..Whatever!! Mind your own busy-ness)

The truth of the matter is that I would like to think and I'm sure that Paul would agree that we have truly enjoyed our time here in Brisbane and that has a lot to do with the people we lived with, I'm sure they would reciprocate this as I think Paul and I will probably be the best housemates they will have for quite sometime ha ha no seriously!

So as a quick summary of the last year, It really has been the fastest year of my life and because I am living a normal life here in a different enviroment, I can remember each and everyday clearly. When your young all you want to be is older cos you think its cool, well I have got to the top of that hill and for the first time I am looking back thinking shit, these years better slow down cos I am getting older way tooo quick. We have worked hard and lived life like true blue Aussies and now that we have finsihed I can say it was all worth it and look forward to 6 or 7 weeks of pure travel, late breakfasts, later nights and few sights along the way.

So moving on, Tonights New Years Eve, Someones Birthday and we are turning the basement in to Bar De La Railway Terrace - Cocktail Party Ce Soir, Brisbanes finest are attending and after a few Cocktails - Im sure there will be a few Cocks and a few tails between legs tommorow morning (see what I have done there, I wonder if The Sun has a pun department??) but here is to Paul and my imminent travel and to 2007. Happy New Year Everyone and see you in Feb T x

Q: Why did the Squirrel swim on his back...?????

A: TO KEEP HIS NUTS DRY


When I went to University, I drank a lot of liquids, met a few people and did even less work. One of these people that shared my liking for sleeping, drinking and doing the bare minimum academically was Paul Mountain Also Known as Peanut, Nutty Nut Nuts and just plain Nuts. He graced my humble abode for a weekend on his way down to Sydney whilst on his travels. He was joined by the delightful Jackie ( his girlfriend since Uni) also known as Jax, Jackson five, Jackie Jack Jack and Bernard. To makes things even better and put the house majority truly into the quarters of that of the English was Paul's friend Hilary also known as Hilwarrrrrrrr and Hilarweee and her Sister Rachel also know as Rach. So quite the little posse was formed and for one weekend only we painted the town red...........blue and white: Rule Britannia.



We had an excellent weekend and the company of all was much enjoyed. Tah Tah

Ashes to Ashes panesar

Mmmmmm, To lose the Ashes to Australia is a bad thing...1, To lose the Ashes as an Englishman in Australia is worse....2, To lose the Ashes in such a pant wettingly wet flannel display as an Englishman living and working in an office (where they show the cricket on a flatscreen) is the worst of the worst...3

Paul and I went to one the finest cricket stadiums in the world and although we did have our pants pulled down by the likes of Shane Warne and Ponting, the experience itself was one we will never forget, The atmosphere even on day three was amazing and although there was banter at all times it was always good natured. To say I have seen probably the greatest spin bowler of this generation and possibly ever in his home country doing what he does best was worth the entrance fee alone.

Since Panesars arrival in Australia the contoversial "Choc Monty" Biscuits were banned from all supermarkets

We saw Monty warming up as well and I gave him some words of encouragement, Despite the fact he did not play ( which in hindsight may of been a mistake don't you think Fletcher??)




At work the ridicule was very very hard to swallow as the Aussies are ruthless in their slating of other nations (more on this later) My nickname at work went from 1-0, to then 2-0 and then finally 3-0, thank goodness I left before it got to 4-0.

Lastly just a little comment on the Aussie mentality towards the pommes, You can not pick up a Lads mag in Aus any time of the year and not find articles slating the Englsih, its bizarre but the truth of the matter is in England you would be hard pushed to ever find an article on Australians in any lads mag, not because we have nothing to pick on but we just....Well don't care. You know when you used to pick on the pretty girl cos you like the attention; well I think Aussies has little man crush on us pommes, cos its all they talk about.




On the subject of banter, the Barm Army were in full force and after a few mid strength beers Paul and I blended into the Army and joined in the volley of what has to be said comical abuse. Although we got wiped clean on the field, when it came to the exchange of banter the Barmy Army had the Boony Army (Could not think of their own name) pegged, Such chants included:

"Get your shit stars off our flag, Get your shit stars of our flag'

"Your so Poor its unbelievable, We so rich its unbelievable"

"Your just a third world country, a third world country"

"Do your boyfriends know your here"

"God save your Queen"

I dont like cricket anyways ha ha