Fraser - toss salad and scrambled egg....he done it again

This will need a bit of explaining as despite the heading this isn’t really about Fraser Island more about the freaks we went with. O.k the short version: Paul and I were staying in a hostel, I had work the next day and Paul didn’t so he went to a backpackers bar. Next day Paul comes in sporting the world biggest Man-Crush and bingo we have a new acquaintance: Dan an English lad who has been living/working here in Australia for a fair while as he has an Australian Mum. Any way one thing led to another and before we knew it we were playing in a mixed soccer league once a week with the lad and often sharing his company at weekends on the odd night out. You with me so far….

Dan organised a weekend break for a few of his mates to Fraser Island. Paul and I had Friday off work. O.k the following people were on the trip; Aaron and Pamela: Think two Goths meet two bulldogs eat them and then eat the sofas they were sat on.

Next Adam: A twenty something rock head that looks like he’d be mates with Bam Margera and looked about 28. Was half cut to hell from the night before when we met him at 6:30 am, thankfully he was drinking by 7am but only Bourbon!

Then Alanna and Dan: This will unravel as the story goes on. Uh they came dressed as Pirates and the Phantom of the Opera as you do for a weekend away.

Chris (left) : Ummmmm o.k The Wild Card Me Thinks, a 44 year old former Alcoholic and Drug addict who has criminal charges for hit and run offences aswell as various others. Has those eyes and teeth that I’m always weary of. Eyes that are kind of glazed and he looks at you as if to say I love you but I cold easily stab you. Teeth shorter than his lips so they kind of hide behind his upper lip.

O.k all of the above people know Dan, Work with Dan or are partners of someone that Knows Dan.

Basically this story is far too long and involves far too many layers for me to explain so I will simplify it all. O.k from 7am onwards on the Friday we met Dan, Chris and Adam were drunk and I mean bladdered and when your all in one 4x4 driving over an all sand island it is more than interesting. Chris would get drunk to the point of falling asleep every day by at least ohhhhh 5:30 pm. He would also take part in Dingo chasing and fully dressed sea swimming. It was like being on a an rehab holiday. Dan would get blind drunk every day and would shout expletives at everyone except Paul and I for driving to fast, too slow, caring too much, not caring enough ect ect. This coming from a guy that previously we thought was as passive as a cushion. Dan’s sole aim each day was to get pished. Then come Pamela who hates Dan with a passion, her boyfriend Aaron is as soft as a soft thing. Pamela also has the temper of a hot and sweaty bulldog at a kitten sanctuary. Throughout the weekend Dan and Pamela would exchange pleasantries.

Friday night came and Paul and I decided to get a tad boozy and escape from the freak fest and go for a late night (I say late it was probably 7pm but as there is no natural light) Paul and I had heard there was a bar and cos we were drunk we assumed it would be full of young interested ladies and that it would be merely 20 minutes away. Four hours later and Paul is in the undergrowth looking for his flip flops and I’m talking to shadows thinking they are Paul. Meanwhile back at the campground the mentals have called the Fraser Island Police cos they think we have gone missing…Woops.

Saturday, wake at the sociable hour of 6am. Drive to the woods set up camp, every one starts drinking. Chris is naked in the public shower by 3pm whaling like a banshee, so much so people came from neighbouring campsites to make sure everyone is o.k. this is a 44 year old man less we forget. Any who he was in bed by 4pm and Dan tied his feet together for a laugh and it was during this sleeping period that a group of Americans decided to turn up. So imagine if you will the look on these people’s faces when Chris decided to get out of his tent to urinate against a tree. A drunk 44 year old with his feet tied together, his mothers pride hanging from himself staggering towards a tree, any tree will do. Ummm more arguments went to bed at 11pm got up at about 6am again.

Went home with the two Goths and Paul and it was there that we discovered that the Dan we thought we knew isn’t the Dan we know at all. To be honest I dont think Dan is actually English though I do think he has visited, He is also not in a band and if he his then they dont play very much. Also Im not entirly sure if he has been to the moon with his cousin Micheal Jordan...though he does drink Gatorade.

The lsat picture is a result of a new camera, some rum and boredom: